Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Highlight of my week
Finding a half hour between rushes while working on a busy campus to jot down a casual thousand words was a thrill for me. I am so bad about distractions and when you put me in the center of a bustling college campus full of loud students revelling in the best weather of the year, I wouldn't expect to put one word down, let alone 1,000. It's the little things.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
2k a day or the story goes away
I'm a big believer in following the advice that great success stories often share. If you're interested in writing on a level to where every word of yours is consumed or judged as either a story or a part of you, I can't recommend Stephen King's On Writing enough. Being an English major in college who took every creative writing class available, no other How-to book in the field of writing had a more profound impact on my desire and approach to being a writer. He doesn't do it the way a lot of the college-book geeks tell you to do it, but then again the college-book geeks are being referred to as such because the only thing they ever wrote that anyone read was their advice book. Does that seem as silly as it sounds?
My favorite bit, and it's something you'll hear a lot from me, is that King firmly believes in the 2,000 words/day rule. He says come hell or high water, every single day he must get his 2k. Some days it's easy, some days it isn't. If he doesn't visit his characters and his story every day, he says the story 'feels foreign' to him. I've tried to do just that. I keep a calendar above my desk and mark whether I wrote or not and how much I wrote that day. It's a way of keeping yourself in check and forcing yourself to face your own inconsistencies. Trust me, writing a big fat zero on the calendar is a heart breaker after going a couple weeks straight with good numbers.
Well I had to take two days off in a row and writing in on my calendar, in short, blew ass. For the first time since I started this work, I completely understand what King meant when he said his stories feel foreign after taking time off. I had to take Sunday off because I had promises to keep (and something about miles to go and blah blah), but Sunday became such a shit show (think slumped Cory on the curb arguing with passing dogs) that Monday got absolutely ruined. Try as I might I couldn't peck a word out on Monday, which is the first time that's happened in a month.
Despite my unproductivity, I felt good because when I realized my brain was simply too starved for sleep, I indulged and closed my eyes. Instead of sleep, I found my little world. I saw one strand, the one I need to write today, the one I've been avoiding for a week. I saw my characters right they were last I saw them, holding their unlit torches, waiting for a match. Knowing that my mind couldn't possibly handle constructing well-made sentences that moved the plot, I wrote what I saw from afar. A general outline. I plotted my character's fate with the icy chill of a CEO trimming budget in the form of a dozen secretaries and a mail boy. And you know what? It felt great. I woke up today and it all made sense. I sneaked out of work early and got back to my laptop and kept the work alive.
Yes, after two days of inactivity, my invisible friends had become blurry, but they didn't leave. And sometimes even if you can't give them the full treatment of love that you want to every day, a simple stroke here and there can be enough to get you from one day to the next. Or a bunch of strokes combined if you're getting a happy ending. GET IT, STROKE!? Aw whatever. Screw you guys.
My favorite bit, and it's something you'll hear a lot from me, is that King firmly believes in the 2,000 words/day rule. He says come hell or high water, every single day he must get his 2k. Some days it's easy, some days it isn't. If he doesn't visit his characters and his story every day, he says the story 'feels foreign' to him. I've tried to do just that. I keep a calendar above my desk and mark whether I wrote or not and how much I wrote that day. It's a way of keeping yourself in check and forcing yourself to face your own inconsistencies. Trust me, writing a big fat zero on the calendar is a heart breaker after going a couple weeks straight with good numbers.
Well I had to take two days off in a row and writing in on my calendar, in short, blew ass. For the first time since I started this work, I completely understand what King meant when he said his stories feel foreign after taking time off. I had to take Sunday off because I had promises to keep (and something about miles to go and blah blah), but Sunday became such a shit show (think slumped Cory on the curb arguing with passing dogs) that Monday got absolutely ruined. Try as I might I couldn't peck a word out on Monday, which is the first time that's happened in a month.
Despite my unproductivity, I felt good because when I realized my brain was simply too starved for sleep, I indulged and closed my eyes. Instead of sleep, I found my little world. I saw one strand, the one I need to write today, the one I've been avoiding for a week. I saw my characters right they were last I saw them, holding their unlit torches, waiting for a match. Knowing that my mind couldn't possibly handle constructing well-made sentences that moved the plot, I wrote what I saw from afar. A general outline. I plotted my character's fate with the icy chill of a CEO trimming budget in the form of a dozen secretaries and a mail boy. And you know what? It felt great. I woke up today and it all made sense. I sneaked out of work early and got back to my laptop and kept the work alive.
Yes, after two days of inactivity, my invisible friends had become blurry, but they didn't leave. And sometimes even if you can't give them the full treatment of love that you want to every day, a simple stroke here and there can be enough to get you from one day to the next. Or a bunch of strokes combined if you're getting a happy ending. GET IT, STROKE!? Aw whatever. Screw you guys.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
My biggest fear right now is that I've bitten off more than I can chew. I've tried to rush through this first draft, following the light at the end of the tunnel without taking time to note the scenery. I'm leaving out a lot of descriptive language for now because that's fluff and while it can bring a story down if it's bad, it doesn't necessarily make a story great if it's good.
But now I've found that every time I sit down to write it turns into a session of half writing and half charting. The process is going as such:
I downloaded WriteRoom, which is amazing. It's the only way I can write for long periods of time without distraction. Simply the sight of that devlish Firefox logo is enough to send me on a ten minute time-wasting session on the Twitter circuit. More importantly it kills the momentum of the story. When I'm in the WriteRoom, it's just me and the story. Even if I'm not typing, the only thing I'm seeing is my story.
So I write everything in there, then copy it to a Word document that has all the chapters. But now I also have a document titled Notes and that has to be open at all times it seems. My 2-3 thousand word days take a little longer to accomplish thanks to that, but it feels like necessary progress. For the most part I want to be able to get to the end of the tunnel before I lose the light, but if I have to stop along the way to make sure I don't trip on something, well that's fine and dandy too.
But now I've found that every time I sit down to write it turns into a session of half writing and half charting. The process is going as such:
I downloaded WriteRoom, which is amazing. It's the only way I can write for long periods of time without distraction. Simply the sight of that devlish Firefox logo is enough to send me on a ten minute time-wasting session on the Twitter circuit. More importantly it kills the momentum of the story. When I'm in the WriteRoom, it's just me and the story. Even if I'm not typing, the only thing I'm seeing is my story.
So I write everything in there, then copy it to a Word document that has all the chapters. But now I also have a document titled Notes and that has to be open at all times it seems. My 2-3 thousand word days take a little longer to accomplish thanks to that, but it feels like necessary progress. For the most part I want to be able to get to the end of the tunnel before I lose the light, but if I have to stop along the way to make sure I don't trip on something, well that's fine and dandy too.
Friday, March 16, 2012
An Underwhelming Return for an Overwhelming Reason
Calling this a 'return' at all seems silly given that I have as many updates to this blog in the last year as Peyton Manning does passing TDs, but ya know what? I'm gonna do it anyway.
The return of this blog is a product of a bigger shift in my life that I'm trying to press upon myself. I've written more in the last two weeks than I probably did in the previous year. I'm working hard on a new novel and frankly logging on to the web and writing that out feels as comfortable as pissing in the pool. I've been trying to sneak this one by, keeping my face unreadable so no one sees me relieve myself, but in my mind it's pure ecstacy. Also I hope that little girl doesn't jump where I think she's about to...
I say this because writing, to me, has always been a lonely endeavor, something I do in my worst and loneliest of times. It plays like soft candlelight in my darkness, picking me and brushing me off so I'm never truly alone. But to share that feeling? Perish the thought. Not my style. Except now that's all different. I won't bore you with the why today, but know that the 'what' is real.
I don't know why I've held back the way I have in writing, but I suspect it has a lot to do with a lifelong fear of failure. I hate losing, I hate falling short and most of all I hate not finishing something I'm excited to begin. Every time I sit down to an empty Word document, I think of all the past beginnings saved as wimpy like 10-20 page documents in a sad folder titled 'Stories' on my computer. Stories. As if, I would say. Then I'd sigh and close the folder and look up porn for a while.
I don't want to knock porn here, but no one's interested in me cranking it. Trust me, there is court-signed documentation attesting to as much. Rather, I want to be honest. I want to tell people in my life what I'm really doing instead of hiding my (admittedly lofty) dreams and aspirations of finishing, revising, publishing and selling a novel, then doing it all over again. I want to tell people, or at least this piece of real e-state, what I'm truly thinking and what I'm really doing to get there. Porn aside that is.
I think another reason I never really talk about this stuff is because if you never tell anyone about side projects you're working on -- whether it be writing a story, writing a music album or training for a marathon -- then you feel no pressure to reach that finish line outside of your own means. Let's face it, while I don't want to disappoint myself per se, I am the master of self-justification. "Well, it's kinda early to write yet today, perhaps I should play videogames for three hours and think about what I'd like to write." Or "Well that's enough for today, I think I'll play 'Stone the Crone' outside." Do I really need to explain Stone the Crone to you? Bitches need to walk faster. But in truth, none of this crap helps. "Thinking" about writing is the dumbest thing I've ever justified. You don't 'think' about achievements. You work your ass off until you knock them out of the park. It's the only way. Now I'm finally ready to work my ass off and, frankly, it's a revolution.
So I'm inviting you, intrepid reader, to join me on what I hope will be a candid look at my mind's process as I get from where I am to where I ultimately want to be, if I ever do at all. As for the novel, I'm excited because it's the farthest I've ever gone into the annals of Microsoft Word. Right now it sits on my computer a beautiful, jumbled 55,000 word mess. It feels about halfway done. The arc is suggesting as much from my point of view, but frankly I've never done this before so it's all guesswork.
Important question: why should you find this even remotely interesting? Well, you probably shouldn't unless you're a good friend, in which case you're just reading things I've probably rambled at you in a drunken stupor, or you're my mom and you think I'm the best writer in the world. That's fair either way. I'm not one to break Mother's spell.
This is interesting, at least to me, because I have never tried this before. I don't know who has, but I'm sure there are plenty out there who have. I don't know them and they aren't me. Their process will undoubtedly be different from mine. I do know it's taken a dick load of discipline just to get this far. When I go out for the St. Patty's Day Parade on Sunday, it will be the first time I've willingly gone out since I started this book. You have no idea how much it kills me to admit I probably won't write a word on Sunday.
And that's why I feel confident I can share all this with you. Ever since the vision for this novel came to me, I've felt a powerful change. Videogames, TV, media, Stone the Crone, all of it feels dry and dull compared to the words and humanity just sitting in my head, waiting for me to unleash my newest friends in a world I'm trying to learn. In short, I think this time it's the real deal and I think it would be very cool, at least for me, to track my progress from the moment I looked in the mirror and said, "You can really do it this time." I think it would be neat if in a year I could look back at all the updates and see how I went from a half-formed idea to something real and complete that no one could ever take away from me, regardless of what comes from the effort. Ya know, if it ever becomes real and complete.
I will post snippets of the novel as they get revised once the first copy is done (and I'll probably put some early bits on here even before that), but I'll also treat this like any other blog, taking the time to rue the media, post good songs from Youtube and over-analyze Buffalo sports. I want to have fun here. I want you to have fun here too. So comment. Let me know what you think. I'm on twitter @TheBuckMopsHere. Follow me, I'll follow you, etc. The change starts today and I hope you'll join me. If not, at least forgive my shameless self-promotion.
Now then, back to it.
The return of this blog is a product of a bigger shift in my life that I'm trying to press upon myself. I've written more in the last two weeks than I probably did in the previous year. I'm working hard on a new novel and frankly logging on to the web and writing that out feels as comfortable as pissing in the pool. I've been trying to sneak this one by, keeping my face unreadable so no one sees me relieve myself, but in my mind it's pure ecstacy. Also I hope that little girl doesn't jump where I think she's about to...
I say this because writing, to me, has always been a lonely endeavor, something I do in my worst and loneliest of times. It plays like soft candlelight in my darkness, picking me and brushing me off so I'm never truly alone. But to share that feeling? Perish the thought. Not my style. Except now that's all different. I won't bore you with the why today, but know that the 'what' is real.
I don't know why I've held back the way I have in writing, but I suspect it has a lot to do with a lifelong fear of failure. I hate losing, I hate falling short and most of all I hate not finishing something I'm excited to begin. Every time I sit down to an empty Word document, I think of all the past beginnings saved as wimpy like 10-20 page documents in a sad folder titled 'Stories' on my computer. Stories. As if, I would say. Then I'd sigh and close the folder and look up porn for a while.
I don't want to knock porn here, but no one's interested in me cranking it. Trust me, there is court-signed documentation attesting to as much. Rather, I want to be honest. I want to tell people in my life what I'm really doing instead of hiding my (admittedly lofty) dreams and aspirations of finishing, revising, publishing and selling a novel, then doing it all over again. I want to tell people, or at least this piece of real e-state, what I'm truly thinking and what I'm really doing to get there. Porn aside that is.
I think another reason I never really talk about this stuff is because if you never tell anyone about side projects you're working on -- whether it be writing a story, writing a music album or training for a marathon -- then you feel no pressure to reach that finish line outside of your own means. Let's face it, while I don't want to disappoint myself per se, I am the master of self-justification. "Well, it's kinda early to write yet today, perhaps I should play videogames for three hours and think about what I'd like to write." Or "Well that's enough for today, I think I'll play 'Stone the Crone' outside." Do I really need to explain Stone the Crone to you? Bitches need to walk faster. But in truth, none of this crap helps. "Thinking" about writing is the dumbest thing I've ever justified. You don't 'think' about achievements. You work your ass off until you knock them out of the park. It's the only way. Now I'm finally ready to work my ass off and, frankly, it's a revolution.
So I'm inviting you, intrepid reader, to join me on what I hope will be a candid look at my mind's process as I get from where I am to where I ultimately want to be, if I ever do at all. As for the novel, I'm excited because it's the farthest I've ever gone into the annals of Microsoft Word. Right now it sits on my computer a beautiful, jumbled 55,000 word mess. It feels about halfway done. The arc is suggesting as much from my point of view, but frankly I've never done this before so it's all guesswork.
Important question: why should you find this even remotely interesting? Well, you probably shouldn't unless you're a good friend, in which case you're just reading things I've probably rambled at you in a drunken stupor, or you're my mom and you think I'm the best writer in the world. That's fair either way. I'm not one to break Mother's spell.
This is interesting, at least to me, because I have never tried this before. I don't know who has, but I'm sure there are plenty out there who have. I don't know them and they aren't me. Their process will undoubtedly be different from mine. I do know it's taken a dick load of discipline just to get this far. When I go out for the St. Patty's Day Parade on Sunday, it will be the first time I've willingly gone out since I started this book. You have no idea how much it kills me to admit I probably won't write a word on Sunday.
And that's why I feel confident I can share all this with you. Ever since the vision for this novel came to me, I've felt a powerful change. Videogames, TV, media, Stone the Crone, all of it feels dry and dull compared to the words and humanity just sitting in my head, waiting for me to unleash my newest friends in a world I'm trying to learn. In short, I think this time it's the real deal and I think it would be very cool, at least for me, to track my progress from the moment I looked in the mirror and said, "You can really do it this time." I think it would be neat if in a year I could look back at all the updates and see how I went from a half-formed idea to something real and complete that no one could ever take away from me, regardless of what comes from the effort. Ya know, if it ever becomes real and complete.
I will post snippets of the novel as they get revised once the first copy is done (and I'll probably put some early bits on here even before that), but I'll also treat this like any other blog, taking the time to rue the media, post good songs from Youtube and over-analyze Buffalo sports. I want to have fun here. I want you to have fun here too. So comment. Let me know what you think. I'm on twitter @TheBuckMopsHere. Follow me, I'll follow you, etc. The change starts today and I hope you'll join me. If not, at least forgive my shameless self-promotion.
Now then, back to it.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Part II
See this is why I would argue being a Bills fan is tougher than, say, being a Lions fan. Sure, the Lions probably lose more than the Bills, but they do it in a professional manner. They show up, get trounced and jog it out to the locker room. If you're a Lions fan, you can start watching other games, make some food or just go outside and throw the pigskin around at halftime and not really worry about getting back in time for the third. The game is usually over by then. And the game looked pretty much over already when Mark Sanchez zipped a play action pass to a wide open Braylon Edwards for a 17-0 Jet lead.
But of course the Bills couldn't just roll over and let the loss wash over them. Chan Gailey made the admittedly great call of going for it in the Wildcat formation. This prompts me to ask why we don't see a lot more of the Wildcat. Fred Jackson is the perfect fit for a Wildcat-running back QB...if that term makes sense. He's smart, quick, patient and can throw the ball. He made a great play to get that first down on the Bills side of the field. The call clearly lit a fire under the Bills offense as they marched right down for a TD and it's now 17-7 Jets at the half.
And there's the rub: This game is destined to end 27-14 Jets. Or something like that. The Jets will continue to pound the ball and wear the Bills D down while it's only going to take one Fitzpatrick INT or one too many three and outs for the Bills and that will be that. But at the half, the Bills are only down by ten. You cannot stop watching your team if it's only down ten at the half. Not even 17 really, but never ten. It's too close. The Bills are masterful at hanging around until they simply run out of time. Until then.
But of course the Bills couldn't just roll over and let the loss wash over them. Chan Gailey made the admittedly great call of going for it in the Wildcat formation. This prompts me to ask why we don't see a lot more of the Wildcat. Fred Jackson is the perfect fit for a Wildcat-running back QB...if that term makes sense. He's smart, quick, patient and can throw the ball. He made a great play to get that first down on the Bills side of the field. The call clearly lit a fire under the Bills offense as they marched right down for a TD and it's now 17-7 Jets at the half.
And there's the rub: This game is destined to end 27-14 Jets. Or something like that. The Jets will continue to pound the ball and wear the Bills D down while it's only going to take one Fitzpatrick INT or one too many three and outs for the Bills and that will be that. But at the half, the Bills are only down by ten. You cannot stop watching your team if it's only down ten at the half. Not even 17 really, but never ten. It's too close. The Bills are masterful at hanging around until they simply run out of time. Until then.
Bemoaning the Bills
When you root for one of the worst franchises in pro sports, you have to find ways to get yourself through the games, week in and week out. The Buffalo Bills are without a doubt one of the worst teams in the NFL, and have been so for the better part of the last decade. With no hope in sight and the team 0-3, the best fans in the NFL still showed up for a Week 4 matchup with playoff contender New York Jets at Ralph Wilson Stadium. Since I wore out my welcome at the Ralph thanks to about 14 gallons of Labatt's Blue Light and the repulsive sight of Dolphins fans, I'm sitting the rest of the year out as far as live entertainment is concerned. However, that won't stop me from sitting back and watching my beloved Bills every week. And while I'm at it, I might as well chronicle my thoughts as I watch my team most likely lose in what will most likely be a cold, wet, miserable affair.
1st quarter:
Kickoff! Did I mention that this game is sold out? This team is becoming Lions bad, but these fans still come out every week and make Ralph Wilson Stadium a pain in the ass place for anyone to play. If only we could say the same for the team. Chan Gailey defers and the Bills kickoff to the Jets.
Mark Sanchez might not have to pass more than eight times today for the Jets to easily win. Ladainian Tomlinson is averaging about ten yards a run as the Jets march down the field and, yep, there's an LT touchdown. The historically bad run defense of last year proudly juts its chin in the air as the crowd's energy is already sucked from the stadium. My gut feeling is the Jets have already scored more points on that drive than the Bills will today.
And wouldn't you know it! The Jets set themselves up to ice the Bills before the game is ten minutes old! A high, short kick is bobbled, of course, by a Bills player and the Jets recover. Swimming start, fellas. Somehow the Jets manage to botch a gassed Bills D and can't even get a FG out of it. Still 7-0 Jets.
And now the Bills take the field for the first time! Ryan Fitzpatrick's career stats look like a bad Jay Cutler year: 58% Comp. Rate 4351 yds 23 TD 29 INT. Yeah, it might be time to draft a quarterback...
And now the Bills punt for the first time! Well hey, it was a great three plays, guys. LT averages more in one rush than the Bills average on a drive. If you'd told me a decade ago that I'd be watching the winningest AFC team of the 90s get shredded by a Jets team led by a guy who designed his own shirts for a "Jets West" seminar with the skill players on his offense. Ugh. I need a break. Back in the second quarter.
1st quarter:
Kickoff! Did I mention that this game is sold out? This team is becoming Lions bad, but these fans still come out every week and make Ralph Wilson Stadium a pain in the ass place for anyone to play. If only we could say the same for the team. Chan Gailey defers and the Bills kickoff to the Jets.
Mark Sanchez might not have to pass more than eight times today for the Jets to easily win. Ladainian Tomlinson is averaging about ten yards a run as the Jets march down the field and, yep, there's an LT touchdown. The historically bad run defense of last year proudly juts its chin in the air as the crowd's energy is already sucked from the stadium. My gut feeling is the Jets have already scored more points on that drive than the Bills will today.
And wouldn't you know it! The Jets set themselves up to ice the Bills before the game is ten minutes old! A high, short kick is bobbled, of course, by a Bills player and the Jets recover. Swimming start, fellas. Somehow the Jets manage to botch a gassed Bills D and can't even get a FG out of it. Still 7-0 Jets.
And now the Bills take the field for the first time! Ryan Fitzpatrick's career stats look like a bad Jay Cutler year: 58% Comp. Rate 4351 yds 23 TD 29 INT. Yeah, it might be time to draft a quarterback...
And now the Bills punt for the first time! Well hey, it was a great three plays, guys. LT averages more in one rush than the Bills average on a drive. If you'd told me a decade ago that I'd be watching the winningest AFC team of the 90s get shredded by a Jets team led by a guy who designed his own shirts for a "Jets West" seminar with the skill players on his offense. Ugh. I need a break. Back in the second quarter.
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