Sunday, July 25, 2010

I May or May Not Have Seen Scott Bakula

I might have tended bar for Scott Bakula today. He either was Scott Bakula or he was someone who looks like a dead ringer for Scott Bakula. I wanted to ask, but I never did. For one, the guy sat at the end of the bar and ordered a Diet Coke. He pulled the businessman move and placed a laptop and some papers on the bar. He grabbed and pen and pored over his sheets, rarely so much as picking his head up. I had four or five other guys in the middle of the bar and they were a lively, chatty bunch so I never really struck up a conversation with him. If it had just been this man at the bar, I would have jokingly told him he looked like Scott Bakula. If he said he was indeed Scott Bakula, I'd ask him how the TNT smash hit Men of Certain Age is going for him. Just kidding, I had no clue what the name of that show was until I looked it up on IMDB. Ah, TNT, you truly are the purgatory of the drama television market you so yearn to rule.

Anyways, I don't know where we would have gone from there. I mean, Scott Bakula's a pretty reputable movie/film actor and I absolutely would have jumped out with the "Quantum Leap!" shout, but I didn't even watch that show. It just seems like the acting gig he's most commonly associated with. But then what? We just mutually acknowledge that I'm ambivalent to this dude's work and have no real idea of the roles he's played through the years and be on with it? Great, but I work for tips. What if Scott Bakula is a generous tipper, but a sensitive man? He ordered a wine so at this point I was edging in for that buck. It doesn't seem like much, but that's how you have to approach it. Give everyone your best and hope enough of them are generous enough to help you pay your rent. You want them happier than when they came in. Would it make Scott Bakula happy to know his performances haven't penetrated the Buffalo market yet? What would he be doing in Buffalo anyway? Actors don't come here. Every person I've seen come through the airport with some shred of fame, nationally or locally, has been attached to the Buffalo Bills or Sabres. That's Buffalo for you. But here, potentially, is Scott Bakula! I don't know the guy and I don't care about his career (although I am by no means a hater of Scott Bakula, we just seemingly haven't crossed paths on the screen in a major way that I can remember of. Put it this way, I've never seen anything in TV or film that has made me say, "You need to watch [insert here] and see Bakula's performance! Doesn't mean he's bad, but he's just flown over my radar like a good number of successful actors/actresses), but I'm assuming he's got a LOT more money than the average bum leaving the 70 cent tip and I wanna stop at the liquor store on the way home on Scott Bakula's dime.

So I left him be. Patrons with work like to be left alone. I joked with the guys in the middle and talked about Buffalo, which is apparently entertaining for people from outside Buffalo. They find it amusing that we actually have a summer. Then they dip their chicken fingers in Frank's Red Hot Sauce and they realize why they named chicken wings after the home of this ambrosia. One man in the middle paid his tab with a credit card and, wouldn't you know it, his name was Scott. As I brought his slip back, I said loudly, "Thanks Scott!" and immediately looked to the end of the bar. No response. Head still down, studying his papers. Point. Not Bakula.

He even looked over once at one of my jokes and gave me a Bakulan look that I believe said, "I am genuinely amused, but too reserved for laughter". I responded with a look that I hope said, "If you're Scott Bakula, then I know who you are. If not, sorry for the weird look." He looked down at his papers and continued writing Xs on charts and perusing lists the likes of which we'll never know. He paid in cash and left a 5 dollar tip on a 7 dollar glass of wine. Obviously an awesome tip and not something poor people do. Point. Bakula.

I never asked his name or made a Bakula joke (if there is such a thing?). I took my tip, packed my drawer, and went home. So if that was you Scott, I'd like to pour a sip of my boxed wine -- the purchase of which you so heartily contributed to -- on the road. If not, thanks (Probably) Rich Guy Who Looks Like Scott Bakula. You made my day just by looking like the Quantum Leaper.

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